The terror of fanfiction
by Jeyamezi
Summary: It all started when Korea surfs the net and shares his discovery with China. From there nobody can escape the terror that fanfiction possesses. Crack
1. Intro

This is going to be my first story, yay! I hope it won't end up being a piece of trash that should burn in hell though. So . . . . . now for the dreaded . . . . . disclaimer *Far away scream is heard)

Disclaimer: I do not own, or can ever hope to own hetalia now or in the future. I also do not own fanfiction, 'cause that might be alittle weird . . . . . . .

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It was seven in the morning when it happened. When this **madness **had started**, **and of course it was Korea who had started it in the first place.

China was simply sitting in his tea room, pouring himself a cup of green (or some other type of tea, we just know it was GREEN), and sipping, content.

"Such a beautiful day aru~ Nothing could go wrong!" He said downing his drink and about to pour another when-

BANG! BANG! BANG!

"Aniki! Let me iiiiiiiin!"

'No', China thought, 'No, no, no, no, no, no! Do not WANT'

"Aniki! Let me in! I have something impooooortent to show you!"

'He might go away if I'm really, quiet aru,' China thought as he softly put tea cup down.

"ANIKI! I can see you through the crack in the door!"

China gave up, and reluctanly unlocked his door. Korea marched into China's house as if he owned the place, plopped down where China was sitting, and stared at his tea pot.

"Is there something you needed from me Korea?

"What is that?" Korea asked, pointing at the tea pot.

" That's . . . that's a tea pot aru."

"I know that! Tea pots originated from Korea! I was wondering what was in it!"

"Green tea, aru."

"It doesn't smell like Green tea," Korea said taking off the lid and smelling the contents inside. "It doesn't taste like Green tea either!" Korea shouted after sticking his finger in and tasting the mysterious tea. China snatched away his precious tea pot, made in the Ming Dynasty in CHINA, and not Korea.

"Is this what you came to see me for, aru? To criticize my tea!" China shouted, expressing his frustration to the taller but much younger nation.

"No, I came to show you something Aniki!" Korea reached into his hanbok, and pulled out a laptop, turning it on as he set it on the tea table.

"How do you conceal stuff like that in your dress, aru?"

"It's not a dress! But that is not important right now, so get your butt over here before I claim it too!" China sighed and sadly sat next to Korea, who got on to an internet browser.

"I was on the net last night when I found this! It was the most amazing thing I have ever seen in my life! I was so surprised to have not known about it before, 'cause it most likely originated from Korea!"

Korea yammered on, and China felt something ominous was going to happen as Korea typed _w.w.w. fanfiction . net__ into the address bar._

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_. . . . . . anybody still reading? . . . . . . cause if you want me to update I would be so happy. (ps. if anyone give me any hardcore flames, they might get KolKolKoled at.)_


	2. China

8D I'm so glad people like my story! Yay!

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia bla bla bla, I don't own fanfiction bla bla bla. (Disclaimers also DID NOT originate from Korea.)

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"Fanfiction aru?" China said in confusion as the page loaded up.

"Yes! It's so crazy Aniki! There are people who write stuff about us! A whole lot of stuff!"

China looked at the laptop's screen as Korea clicked on Anime/Manga, then a new page came up with a list of titles. Korea scrolled down and hit Hetalia – Axis Powers.

"Korea . . . what is all this aru?"

"Is this blowing your mind or what? Da-ze!"

China scanned the web page, not really believing what he saw. There were 25 stories on each page, and at the top, it showed there were more the 700 pages. Under all these stories written in gray was information about each one. The rating, language, genre, chapters, number of words, reviews, and . . . characters.

"America and Russia? France and England? Spain and Romano? What the hell is all this Korea aru? Who is writing all this!"

Korea gave him a slightly scary smile. "Members of our fandom!"

"Fandom? Fandom for what aru!

"For Hetalia! That's our Anime! Now look at this! It gets even better!"

At the moment China did not want to know how much "better" this was going to get. Korea clicked on the box at the top of the screen that said All Characters (A). A list of all the nations down to Greece were shown, including, China. Korea promptly clicked that, and chose Romance as the Genre.

"Um . . . what are you doing aru?" China asks the ominous feeling growing stronger.

"Just watch! This is fun!" Korea clicked Go. About 20 pages came up. Nearly 500 stories, all about China. It made China feel so . . . exposed having people write stories about him. Korea clicked the link to the first story. Which so happened to be labeled Russia & China.

"Read this one! Read it Aniki!" Korea exclaimed, pushing the laptop so China was behind the screen.

" . . . . . . I do not want to read this."

"Why not? It's fun, you should read it!"

"It's weird aru! I'm not reading!" China had failed to notice the paring of the story, otherwise he would have gotten up right then and there.

"You have to read it Aniki!"

"No aru!"

"Read it or I am taking your breasts home with me tonight!" Korea nearly pounced on China, attempting to grope the poor soul.

"Agh! No get away from me aru! I'll read! Just stay away from meee~" Korea satisfied with himself watched China as he began to read the story.

" . . . Why am I so depressed in this story aru?" China asks as he reads two paragraphs into the story.

"Keep reading Da-Ze!" Korea giggled, having to restrain himself from full out laughing as China's eyes got wide.

"What the hell is this aru! I would NEVER want to . . . to . . ."

"Stay after a world meeting to you can CUDDLE Aniki? I bet you would!" Korea curled himself up as his maniac giggling began to hurt his stomach. Tears nearly fell from his eyes as China grew pale.

"Why would ANYONE think that I would want to KISS Russia!" China then had turned as red as his flag, the story going into details. Mostly involving where hands and tongues were going.

"Well you two were good friends before that Sino-Soviet thing, and he DOES seem to like you a lot Aniki!"

"He stalks me! Stalks me~ I do not want to go near him, let alone go into a closet with him aru!" China was about to exit out of the cursed site when Korea stopped him.

"Read another! Read another!"

"What! No! I refuse to spend one moment longer on this computer aru!" China yelled as he clutched his precious teapot to his chest. Korea clicked the back button, and was brought back to the list of romance stories.

"There's one about you and me Aniki!"

"I do not want to hear about it aru!"

"Hee hee~ Kissing you in this fic is kinda awkward sounding with me being so much taller then you, wait, no it isn't, I'm the older brother!"

"Stop lying aru! I'm 3985 years older then you are! And what is a "fic", aru?"

"Fanfiction Da-ze! Get it fan FICtion! Hee hee, you said you love me in this one. I love you too Aniki!" Korea pounced on China, throwing his arms around the poor nation's neck, trying to kiss his cheek, or lips if luck would have it. China was having none of it. Waving his arms about and was trying his best to kick off the younger nation.

"Agh! Get off me! You pervert! Get off me! I never said "I love you!" Agh!" Korea successfully planted a wet one China's temple before he was thrown off. Reverting back to a giggling mess. China started to get up with his precious teapot when Korea grabbed his wrist, pulled his down so that he sat on his lap, and wrapped an arm around China's neck.

"Aniki where do you think you are going! We have more fanfiction to read!" China was crying on the inside. Practically dying. The worst part of it all was . . . Korea was basically holding China hostage. So as China tried desperately to wiggle away from the lying demo- I mean Korea, as he clicked the blue rating box at the top of the screen and clicked Rated M.

"Aniki look! A fic about you and England doing the dirty!"

"Noooo! No aru! I will not read such abominations! NEVER! NERVER EVER ARU!" China went through some sort of a seizure, so Korea let him go as he himself read the dirty story, giggling over the amount of detail this particular author has put into the story. Occasionally sharing a few of these details with China, who was throwing a fit in his kitchen, throwing away all the British tea he owned. Korea reverted to All Rating to broaden his options of stories.

"Aniki! These stories about you and America are funny!" China poked his head out of the kitchen holding his precious teapot in one hand and his wok in another.

"No aru! No more! No more!" An instant later the laptop was an inch away from China's face, Korea asking China to read. It was a rather heated scene between him and Russia.

"MY EYES! I think I am blind aru!" China screeched. "I'm going to kill that horrible machine aru!" China lifted his wok preparing to smash the laptop. Korea dodged it though, running as China chased him in a blind fit of rage. Korea however was having the time of his life, never has he had so much fun tormenting his beloved brother with the internet.

"Wait Aniki! You haven't seen the fics about you and JAPAAAAAAN!" China stopped.

"W-what aru?"

"Yup! You and Japan!"

"Let me see aru!" China snatched away the laptop, after the wok was taken from him by Korea, so that he could write "Originated in Korea" on the bottom. China didn't have to look far to find the stories Korea spoke of. One after another China scanned them. Kissing, hugging, exchanging 'I love you's, it was all too much for China.

"Oh god! Poor Japan! How can these people write about us in such a way! I must warn him about this!" Snapping the laptop shut China with his precious teapot ran out of his house with Korea's laptop!

"Hey! What are you doing with my laptop Da-ze! It's mine!" China however was long gone running toward Japan's house, screaming once when he passed Russia along the way. Korea upset that his laptop got stolen, grabbed a can of paint and a brush, and in huge letters painted on the side of China's house, "**THIS HOUSE ORIGINATED FROM KOREA"**

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Hee hee, Japan will be the next victim. 8D


	3. Japan

Yay! I updated! FINALLY! I hope you all like it as much as I did! 8D

Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia or Fanfiction or New York or Canada. I sure wish I did though.

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The birds were chirping at Japan's house. All the morning was to Japan was a happy happy joy joy feeling, not that he would openly express that. Though what exactly made this such a fine day for Japan? Well, he sat on his porch in his yukata and did absolutely nothing. No really, that was it.

Though I think we all know that this fine day of doing nothing was going to be greatly disturbed by China. Knocking down the door, rambling to Japan, with Korea's laptop in one hand, and his precious teapot in the other.

"**Japan! It's awful aru! Korea come into my house and bothered me about my teapot and pulled this laptop out of his dress and he got on this website aru! I think something evil made it aru! There was all these people writing about me and Russia going into closets and ****England and I** **doing, unmentionables! Then Korea read this one story about me and HIM and he tackled me and tried to do weird things to me aru! It's not like he already does weird things but he has gotten even worse all because of that stupid website aru! Then** **Korea showed me all these stories about YOU and ME 'DOING' things!" **Needless to say, Japan was disturbed by this little episode. Japan could barely make out what he was saying, China was just talking too fast, and he was having some sort of a seizure, hopping about, and waving a teapot and a laptop above his head. Suddenly China grabbed Japan by the sholders and got his face really close to Japans own.

"Japan! Do you not know how terrible all this is!" China clutched onto Japan's arm and dragged him to a small loveseat behind a coffee table in Japans living room. China sat the laptop down, opened it, and there was with all it's China/Japan glory. China clicked on the first story he found, sped through it, paled, and pushed the laptop over to Japan to read.

" . . . . . . . Then China grabs Japan and forcefully smashes his lips against Japans . . . . . . . . . You wrote this China?" Japan asked his face getting red, like say, China's flag, as spit was being exchanged in the rather disturbing story.

"What! No aru! Someone else did! It's horrible!"

"I agree, especially since it just said you are starting to undress me."

" . . . . . . I did not read that far aru."

" . . . . . . oh." Then for some reason Japan clicked the back button, and as the settings were for Rating All, Japan proceeded to read even more disturbing stories.

"China, it seems you might have some feelings for me, at least a little." Japan said after reading a fun little oneshot about China and Japan having a fun little oneshot themselves. China was not amused.

"No aru! You, are, my, little, brother, aru! I do not want to suck on your face. EVER ARUUUUU!~" Japan had transferred himself to the floor as China had started throwing a tantrum on the loveseat, facedown, kicking and screaming into a pillow, with his precious teapot being violently waved about. How that thing STILL has the lid on it, and not broken is a mystery. An ancient Chinese secret I guess.

"Are you sure China? I found another story written here. Do you think you could tell me the meaning of some of these words however?" China had calmed down long enough to look over Japan's shoulder at some the words that Japan did not understand. Most of which was modern slang.

"AIIIIE! JAPAN! You should not be reading stuff like that aru!" China flopped back onto the loveseat. He faced away from Japan, and brought his knees up to his chest, clutched his precious teapot, and trembled. Japan got up and took a blanket out of the closet where he kept futons, and draped in around his poor crazed brother.

"I love you China-san"

"What aru?"

"You always say 'I love you' in the stories, so I am taking responsibility and saying it back."

"I hate that website, aru. It's cursed." Japan sat back down on the floor in front of the loveseat, where China was muttering nonsense before he fell asleep. Japan hit the back button on the computer and scrolled up to the top of the screen. The character options at the moment were China and Japan. Clicking the box for China, Japan saw that a list of all the other countries were there too. Curious Japan clicked all characters, and then clicked 'go'. Japan was stunned, for he had no idea that there were so many people who have feeling for him. Clicking a story, Japan began reading. A whole lot of cuddling ensued, that is the only thing that could be said about that certain story.

"I had no idea that America-san felt this way toward me," Japan clicked back and read a story about him and Greece.

"I had no idea that Greece-san felt this way toward me." Clicking back, Japan read yet another story about him and Greece.

". . . . . . I will never let Greece-san give me a naked body check," Japan said blushing badly. Japan clicked the back button yet again. The next three entrees were of him and England.

"I had no idea that England-san felt thins way toward me," Japan looked at the forth entree. England again. Fifth, America. Sixth, China. England. China. America. England. Switzerland? England. China. Italy. England. America. England. England. England. England. England. ENGLAND. **ENGLAND. FIRCKEN ENGLAND. ENGLAND AGAIN WHEN WILL THIS END OH THE HUMANITY! IT'S RAINING TURKIES!**

"England-san seems to have many feelings toward me. I know what I must do!" Japan closed the laptop and stood up.

"I will do this the Japanese way and take responsibility! Or say one thing, and mean another." Japan took the laptop and walked out of his house and took a high speed rowboat to England's house. The boat is Japanese, so it was super high speed. Yeah. All the while, leaving China alone in Japan's house taking a nap, still holding on to his precious teapot.

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Me and my friend Italy in math class were confused as of why England/Japan were the most popular couple on Fanfiction. I have concluded that it is an ancient Chinese secret.


	4. England

YAY! I'm sure a lot of you were waiting for the chapter with England and America! Well, more America in the next chapter, but there is still some funny reactions!

Disclaimer: I own NOTHING. (The lazy way out. 8D)

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England's house, there is no tea, there has been too much tea. Scones that are kinda gross? Yes. Tea? No. So England was eating is gross, bland scones, that kinda looks like rocks, when he heard the polite knocking on his door. Little did he know that his pleasant(?) breakfast was going to crash and burn like the Soviet Union (que crying Russia now), when he opened the door to a soaking wet Japan with a laptop under his arm. (Which somehow still works.)

"Japan what happened to you!"

"I was attacked by dolphins England-san."

"Ehh, dolphins?"

"I told them my high speed rowboat was environmentally safe, but they did not believe me. Dolphins are quite angry with the state of the environment."

"Ehh, hmm, maybe you should come in and get dried off then. Would you like some scones?" Japan shuddered at the thought of eating one of England's rocks, so he polity refused. Though his though were somewhat like 'THOSES SCONES ARE THE GROSSEST THINGS I HAVE EVER HAD THE DISPLESURE OF LOOKING UPON! THEY SHOULD BE BURNED AND THE ASHES SCATTERED!' Ahem, as I said, they are gross. England went to one of the bathrooms in his house and got out a pink fluffy towel that should have really been in Poland's house, and tossed it to Japan.

"So Japan, there must be a reason of why you are here."

"Yes there is," Japan said as he wrapped the oddly colored towel around him. "I'm here to discuss the wedding."

"Oh? Who's wedding?"

"Ours of course," England froze. It was France all over again.

"W-what are you talking about Japan? I never agreed to such a thing."

"No, but your feelings are too great to be ignored."

"Huh?" Japan beckoned the poor bewildered Englishman over to him. When the two sat side by side, Japan opened the laptop to a page that had a lot of England/Japan in it. Japan clicked on one, and quickly scanned through it.

"Ah, see? Right there, you say 'I love you' to me," Japan clicked back, and clicked on another England/Japan fic. "Oh, and here it is again, 'I love you' then you kiss me and run your hands through my hair," Japan clicked another England/Japan fic. "There it is again 'I love you' then you lead me to your bed-"

"I did not say or do any of that! None of it! What the bloody hell is that site anyways!" England snatched the laptop away from Japan and started to read the 'then you lead me to your bed' story himself. England was NOT amused. Meanwhile Japan had spotted England's tropical fish tank. He did not know England had fish. Japan got up to go and watch the colorful fish swim about.

England however discovered the option setting and switched 'Japan' to 'England'. He was horrified at what he saw. Entree one, England & France. He clicked on it. Japan was startled by England's sudden yelling.

"WHAT! If either of us is going to be on top it should be ME not that French bastard!" Japan's eyes grew wide.

"You mean you have more feeling for France then you do for me?"

"What! I like you a lot more then that French bastard!"

"Oh, okay then," Japan returned to looking at the fish. England for some reason continues to read the fic about him and France. Though the more he read the more disgusted he became. He uncharacteristically shoved two or three scones down his throat. (The whole world and France shudder at the thought.) England clicked the back button, and saw that for every other entree on the site listed for him, was England/America. His mouth dropped open, and scone crumbs fell out of this mouth and onto his lap. Uncharacteristically I may add.

"WHAT! Like I would ever want to be in a relationship with that bloody git!" Japan, who had gotten bored walked back over to the couch, and sat himself next to England, and rested his head on his shoulder.

"Uhhh, Japan what are you doing."

"We would do things like this in a lot of the stories," England rolled his eyes, sighed, and put his arm around Japan. Might as well just play along, because Japan seems to not get that they were NOT getting married. He then clicked an England/America story. He read it, looked over it again, and again, and again. He then pulled away from Japan and walked to the bathroom.

"Excuse me Japan, I have to go do something," England closed the door and Japan heard retching noises. Then he began screaming in there as well.

"OH GOD! WHO WOULD WRITE SUCH THINGS! I WOULD NEVER DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT WITH AMERICA! I WOULD RATHER JUMP OFF A BRIGDE WITH FRANCE, OR REINACT TITANIC WITH CHINA, OR . . . OR . . . . BECOME CATHOLIC **AND** PROTESTANT!" More retching is heard. Japan, then wondered what England had read that made England react in such a way, he looked at the laptop and read the story. He blushed.

"It seems that England has feeling for America-san," Curious, Japan hit the back button and went to the options at the top of the screen. Switched character B To America and hit go. About 80 pages worth of England/America. Nearly fricken 80 pages worth of it. Japan then switched The options from America to Japan. Not even 10 pages. Japan processed this as England threw up and screamed about how to would rather jump out of an airplane covered with applesauce and sand then to kiss America.

"It is very obvious that England is deeply in love with America-san, I must call him and let him know," Japan got up and went in search of England's phone. He found his cell phone on his kitchen table, and dialed America's number.

"Yo dude England! What's up!"

"Sorry America-san, this is Japan speaking."

"Oh, why are you calling from England's cell?"

"I could not find his home phone."

"Okaaaaaaaaay, so what's up dude?"

"I'm here to inform you that England has something to confess to you."

"Sweet! He must have finally realized that America is the best country in the world and that I am the ultimate hero of the universe! I'll be right over!"

"Hai, but watch out for the dolphins America-san."

"Dolphins?"

"The dolphins are very angry about the state of the environment."

"Ha! That will be no problem for me! I'm practically the greenest country in the whole world! Well see you in about half an hour!" Greenest country in the world? America was delusional. Japan shut of England's cell phone and waited for America to arrive. England came out of the bathroom 25 minutes later looking quite pale.

"Sorry about that Japan, I felt a little under the weather I guess."

"It is quite all right England-san. I called America-san for you. He should be here in about five minutes.

"You what!"

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Yay! Another chapter down! I hope you all enjoyed England's suffering!


	5. America

So sorry that this took long then usual. I got sick yada yada yada, I hope that all of you wonderful people enjoy this chapter. p.s., watch out for dolphins.

Disclaimer. I don't own Hetalia or fanfiction, this is getting monotonous. WAR ON DISCLAIMERS! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!

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America ran over to England's house in record time. Instead of 30, it was 25 minutes. How heroic. He kicked the door in.

"THE HERO HAS ARIVED! Oh and Japan, you were right about those dolphins! They were super angry at me! I mean, I don't spew THAT much carbon dioxide" America was just as wet as Japan when he arrived. So Japan threw him Poland's, I mean England's pink towel at him, America scrubbed at his hair, making his hair look like Hurricane Katrina all over again.

"So England," America said with a smirk. "I hear that you wanted to confess that I'm the hero, and that you and your cooking sucks. I think it's about time too, I mean I'm so obviously the hero of everything in general, and that poor hobo you gave a biscuit to had to have his stomach pumped. It was so funny though, YOU had to pay the hospital bill because the guy was flat broke!"

America stood there laughing his heart out, while England did not say anything. He had snuck in silence away to get, DUN DUN DUUUUN, Bugsby's chair. Though when he came back laughing like a maniac at the thought of America a dying a horrible death carrying the battered chair. He found America sitting next to Japan looking at the laptop.

"So you see America, I have discovered you and England have feeling for one another. So I have arranged for you two to get married right away." America was deep in thought as he held up his head on his fist, looking at the ceiling. He glanced at England.

"England, You're going to be the wife in this relationship."

"WHAT!" England dropped the chair, and it shattered. What is this, the third time that chair has died? Elsewhere Russia is smiling.

"I will never marry you! You are a bloody GIT! I could absolutly not stand to spend a moment with you and your hero ranting, let alone be MARRIED to you!"

"England-san, France gave me this marriage registration form, so you and America-san can get married.

"Did you hear a single word I just said Japan?"

"Why listen to you when he can listen to the HERO!"

"This is exactly why I will never consider marring you."

"Then all of the stories on this website are lies?"

"Yes they are all lies you stupid bloody git!"

" . . . . . . . . . Can I still be the husband?"

"WHY DO YOU EVEN WANT TO GET MARRIED TO ME YOU GIT!" America shugged as he minstrelsy pulled out a cola from inside of his bomber jacket.

"I dunno, 'cause I'm the hero?"

"England-san, I do not want France-san's gift to go to waste." At this, England got an idea. He jumped over the remains of Budsby's chair and squeezed himself between Japan and America. Setting the laptop on his lap. (Isn't that WHY they are called laptops in the first place?) He then promptly changed the setting from "England" to France.

"Alright America," England said with a rather terrifying look on his face. "Read this story, sence you seem so fond of reading all of a sudden." America still drinking his soda, leaned over and transferred the computer onto his own lap and started reading. It was not long before America did an impressive spit take. Getting gross soda that was already in America's mouth all over the floor.

"You wanker! Look what you did to the floor!" America wasn't listening, for he was reading about France groping and doing nasty things in an unfortunate broom closet. America naturally pulled his legs together.

"Ew ew ew ew ew! France is so gross! I think I might cry!" America shoved the laptop over to Japan, curled up, and started to rock back and forth.

"Serves you right bloody wanker! You had it coming!"

"Yeah? Well, your eyebrows look funny."

"What was that!" England ponced on America, coking him and calling him various names that you would expect from the British. Japan had flinched when he GLANCED at the story America was reading. He clicked back and changed the option from "France" to "all", to see what OTHER countries America had feelings for. Japan had long since put the marriage registration form away. America's 'relationships were just too CONFUSING for marriage right now. Japan had clicked on first story involving the suffocating nation and quickly read through it.

"America-san, didn't you say incest was illegal in your country?"

"H-huh?" America gasped out. England who was also curious let America go. America leaned over and read over what Japan was looking at. He paled.

"Dude, that's just wrong on so many levels."

"Bloody hell? I will never look at you the same way again America. **Never.**"

"What! I would never, ever do something that . . .that . . . weird! It's un-American!"

"America-san, I never realized you felt THAT way about Canada-san."

"Dude, you need a hearing aid." Japan shrugged as America tried to regain his composure. It's hard when you have a revengeful Englishman taunting you, and have disturbing images of a poor uke Canada in your head. So he settled for drinking his soda again. Japan however was on a roll, and he clicked back, and found something just as horrifying as America/Canada.

"America-san, You are in love with Russia-san?" For the second time that day, America spit taked.

"In love with WHO! What!" England would have started to choke America again, if the circumstances were not so fricken FUNNY! America and Russia, can you hear the wedding bells? America didn't, but that didn't stop him from reading the story. America glared at the screen.

"If anyone should be on top it should be ME! Not that commie bastard!" America fumed. He changed the settings from 'all' to 'Russia', and read another fic.

"ARGGGG! Why is he on top. The HERO should be on top!" America clicked back and read another story, and another, and another. England raised a big fluffy eyebrow at America's behavior. If he was so angry at the thought of him and Russia together then why does he keep reading stories about them?

"That's it! I'm going to go to Russia's house RIGHT NOW! I'll show him that I'M THE HERO, and that I should be the MAN in our non-existent relationship!" America tucked the laptop under one arm and grabbed England's plate of scones and stomped to the door.

"HEY! Where do you think you are going with my scones!"

"What these?" America said turning around and holding up the plate. "These are to scare off the dolphins." With that America turned heel and walked out the door, off to face angry dolphins once again. England face palmed and sighed.

"At least he's out of my hair," The question is does he mean the hair on top of his head, or his eyebrows?

"So, Japan, do you want to watch a movie?"

"Yes Engalnd-san."

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Those poor dolphins. They don't deserve horrors like England's scones. It's sad really.


	6. Russia

AH! I took too long to update! I is sorry! T~T I'll try to be faster next time.

Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia, or fanfiction, or PETA. Lolz.

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It was a fine day for Russia. He had spent his morning gathering sunflowers for his big sad empty house, of course the flowers were from other country as Russia was a bit cold for sunflowers right now. Hey what other countries did not know won't hurt them right? So Russia was walking home when China ran past him, looking frantic and waving about a teapot.

"ACK! STAY AWAY FROM ME ARU! I WILL NOT DO WEIRD THINGS WITH YOU IN CLOSITS ARU!" Weird things? Closet? Russia sure does enjoy China's company, no matter how brief it may be. So Russia continued onward to his big sad empty house once more, thinking about how maybe he should clean out some of his closets, just in case China has changed his mind about "weird things" whatever they may be.

Finally reaching his homeland he trudged through snow. Kolkolkoling as the snow did not part for him like the red sea. The snow didn't know who they were dealing with. Russia planned to get a massive heater and alienate the snow when he got home. Forget the O-Zone, Russia is the cause of global warming.

Planning the certain death of snow passed the time quickly, and he made it to his big sad empty house. Fishing out a key Russia walked through the house. He noticed that it was pretty cold. He better find that heater quick. Into the sitting room he went and he placed his sunflowers in a nice violet vase next to a plush couch. He sank into said couch and admired his beautiful sunflowers, if only the banging at his door would stop.

BANG BANG BANG BANG

What was going on? Was someone pelting his house with rocks? Chunks of ice? Oh, wait, That was just someone knocking on the door. Silly Russia. Nobody has visited in so long he forgot what knocking on the door sounds like! Or maybe it is someone tying to break the door down. Well good luck! That's a RUSSIAN door! You will need an elephant to knock it down. And elephants have been known to have a hard time knocking down the door! (Why Russia has elephants at his door at such a cold place, the world may never know.)

"What's taking you so long! Open this door already!" Oh, sounds like America. What does he want? Russia got up and went to his door. His thick unstoppable door. Designed to keep Belarus out, even though she ALWAYS finds a way in anyways. He unlocked the door.

"Dude! About time! It's out here!" Russia looked down at America's legs."

"Comrade, what is that?" Russia points at a person, who was gnawing at the American's leg. It seemed rabid, as it was foaming at the mouth and making strange 'OMNOMNOM' noises and growing from time to time.

"That?" America said pointing at the 'thing'. "That's PETA. They heard that I got some dolphins sick with some of England's really gross scones. So they attacked me. I can't seem to get rid of this one." At the mention of it's name, PETA started howling like a werewolf who got high on something weird, like grass. Kicking off the rabid . . . thing, America quickly stepped inside and slammed the door in it's face. Scratching and snarling could be heard. PETA just doesn't quit.

" . . . . So comrade, other then bringing . . . PETA . . . is there any reason why you are here?" America's eyes lit up in realization, remembering why he came to the vast icy land in the first place.

"Oh yeah! I came to tell you that I'm the hero, and that I'm the one who should be on top in our non-existent relationship!" Ehem, Russia was confused. Let's leave it at that.

"Non-existent relationship comrade?" Maybe America has gone just as crazy as Russia? Scary thoughts.

"Yes, on the internet we are apparently madly in love with each other."

"eh?"

"And from what I've seen, you've been the one that's 'on top'"

"Wouldn't I squish you?"

"So when I saw that I came running over to your house to tell you that I'M THE HERO and my rightful place is on top!" Suddenly a dark aura surrounded Russia.

"Kolkolkolkolkolkolkolkolkol~" America looked at Russia with a bored expression and dug into his jacket. In his hand was a bottle of Coke, he handed it to Russia.

"Here."

"~kolkolkolkolkol- uh, why are you giving me this?"

"Well you kept saying cola-cola-cola-cola- so I thought that meant you wanted some Cola!" Such stupidity can even knock Russia out of his tantrum. America may be even scarier then Russia.

"Now to prove my point you should see these LIES that people call fanfiction!" America marched into Russia's sitting room with Russia reluctantly following.

Did you know that Russia had a coffee table? Well he does. With a table cloth that had sunflowers embroidered into it. Fancy. What the coffee table also had was a laptop on top of it. Russia saw that America had it under his arm when he came in. It's a wonder PETA had not eaten it yet.

"Hmhp. These people who write this stuff are crazy! I should be the one on top! I'm the hero! Come look at this!" America motioned Russia over to the coffee table. Though he thought it might have been a better idea to just leave and gather more sunflowers. Then again, Russia worried he might not be able to get past PETA, so he sad next to America, who was eating a hamburger. Where did he get a HAMBURGER from!

"Read this commie!" America mumbled through a mouthful of mysteriously appearing hamburger. Russia read thew words on the screen, mostly of him and America sucking faces. Russia's pipe appears in his hand as mysteriously as America's hamburger. He started to bonk America's head with said pipe.

"Ow! Hey! What do you want! More cola!"

"I don't think I like your computer America."

"I didn't like how much love stories there are about me and England are on there!" Russia stopped, and began to giggle. America puffed out his cheeks, thous causing more giggles.

"Dude not funny! There are HUNDREDS of them on this site!" If this was supposes to stop Russia from laughing then it was failing miserably. Russia curled into a fetal position on the floor, tears falling from his eyes from so much laughing. America being tortured from love stories was just that funny, or was it America resolving pent up sexual tensions that was so funny? Wel this is Russia we're talking about, so who knows.

"Uh dude it's really not that funny," wrong America, it IS that fuuny. Though America not seeing this avious hilarity desided to do something about this. Revenge, sweet revenge! MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHA~ And what better place from revenge the Fanfiction . Net? America, with evil burning behind his eyes altered the setting to something beyond unimaginable evil. BelarusXRussia. DUN DUN DUUUUUUN~

"Ohhhh Russia look at what I found!~" America says in a singsong voice. Russia's giggles die down enough for him to look at what America "found". He pales. Too. Many. Details. Russia brings his legs together , for this story makes him feel so . . . vulnerable. Did he lock all the windows? Oh god Belarus could be under his bed right now! Waiting to take him by force at night! What if his Vodka is drugged! Belarus could do something and he wouldn't even know it! Or . . . what if she already DID! Russia dives under the coffee table and gets into the fetal position again, starts to tremble and whimper.

Meanwhile America his laughing at Russia trembling form and looking at explicit material about Belarus molesting Russia, and sharing the details with him. America did this for a good twenty minutes before he got bored and decide to raid Russia's kitchen.

Russia contemplated on how to get a door that would actually keep Belarus out, and how to keep himself safe at night. Maybe fanfiction would tell him? Inching out from under the coffee table Russia peered at the computer screen.

'Belarus gazed deep into his violet orbs before capturing Russia's lips with her own.' Well THAT didn't help. It did however make Russia wonder what these 'orbs' were. Orbs . . . . . did it mean one of those things England uses to 'tell the future'? Which by the way, England does a crappy job of doing.

" . . . . . . Oh! Does it mean my eyes?" Forgetting his mental/emotional breakdown, Russia dashed to the bathroom, and looked into his fancy mirror.

"Hmmm I always thought they were more lilac that violet. Or Amethyst. My eyes could be amethyst." Russia studied his eyes, while America, with about 2/3 of Russia's food supplies in his arms, went back to the computer.

"Huh? Where did Russia go? Did he sink into the floor or something?" America's mouth was full of food though, so what he said sounded more like "Murff? Marg fiff muggfuu moh?" Swallowing what was in his mouth America changed the settings from 'Belarus' to 'Ukraine' on the computer. He was disappointed to see how little results came up. Well at least he had SOMETHING to work with. Right?

"Hey commie! I didn't know you were in love with your older sister too! Ha ha ha!" Russia walked out of the bathroom and back into the sitting room where America was. America was shocked. Didn't Russia sink into the floor or something?

"Why is your head still attached to your body?"

"Because I'm the hero! Duh! Now get over here and read this incest crap!"

"No."

"Awwwww! Why not!"

"Because it is disgusting!"

"Belarus doesn't seem to think so!" Russia shuddered, but he wasn't moving from where he stood. So America, pouting, changed 'Ukraine' to 'all', to see what other kind of dirt he could find on his, um "friend". Unfortunately the first result was Canada. America jumped up and pointed at the tall nation.

"Hey! You stay away from my brother!" America yelled.

"Huh? You have a brother?"

"Yeah! His name is Cana- ummm . . . . Cantnus- uhhh . . . Cornfield? No . . . Oh! Yeah, his name is Canadia!"

"I don't think I know any 'Canadias'."

"Yeah, well you better not!" America was peeved that Russia may be hitting on his nameless little brother. Russia probability was. Maybe. America sat down again and began scrolling past the Russia/Canada pairings, (there was quite a few) America found Russia/China, which reminded America of a little problem he had.

"Hey Commie! Can I borrow some money? I need to pay back China."

". . . . I don't think that's how money and dept works comrade. Besides, I'm poor." America started to grumble about how China and Russia were both conspiring against him, since they were such 'good friends'. Curious, Russia sat next to America to see what he was looking at.

"Hmm, was this was China meant by 'weird things'?" Russia said to himself. Just to make sure Russia clicked the story. There were no closets, but mostly just Russia visiting China's house, and from there all the kissing and touching in places that make normal people blush happens. Russia liked these stories better the Belarus 'attacking' him. So Russia read through about three of those stories before he came across a Russia/Lithuania story. Russia smiled.

"Ah! Lithuania should become one with Mother Russia!" America looked annoyed.

"No, You should leave Lithuania alone. He makes good coffee." Russia however ignored him and shut the laptop and tucked it under his arm, and headed out the door. He had to fight off PETA with his pipe, but Russia was determined to get a certain country to 'become one' with him. This leaves the score Russia: 1 PETA: 0.

All alone in Russia's big sad empty house, America decided to leave also. I mean how can ANYONE stand living in such a big house all alone! America thought it would be best to go to a park, find some spare change, and pay back China with that. Or not, he could just buy another hamburger instead! America was starving!

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There! Done! I hope You all enjoyed this chapter despite my lateness.

P.S. DON'T WORRY ITALY! I STILL LUV CHUU! 8D


	7. Lithuania and Poland

Ah I love all my reviewers, you guys are great! This will be a two in one sort of a chapter because Lithuania won't survive long enough without Poland. Heh heh.

Disclaimer: No. I HAVE DISCLAIMED ENOUGH! I WANT ICE CREAM! Prussia will disclaim for me!

Prussia: The awesome me owns Hetalia because I'm awesome! Kesesesesese.

. . . . . . . . . . . I hadn't had any soda today . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

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What had he done to deserve this? He'd done nothing wrong! NOTHING! Was this karma? The wrath of an unseen and bored god? Maybe he was just unlucky.

"Become one with again, da?" There stood Russia, holding the pipe he used to obliterate the door with, smile on his face, and a laptop. Russia scooped up Lithuania as if he were a rag doll, and carried him over his shoulder into his kitchen.

'Can I die now!' he thought. Lithuania didn't bother struggling. He'll make a run for it when Russia put him down, run over to Latvia's house, and hide under the smaller county's bed, for at least a fortnight. That wouldn't happen for as soon as Russia plopped Lithuania in a chair at the kitchen table , Russia pulled up a chair right next to him, and wrapped his arm around the unfortunate nation's neck.

Lithuania's heart was breaking, Russia had trapped him, keeping him in a death hold and tapping his pipe against his thigh.

"So as I was saying, you become one with me, da?" Maybe he could get wolves, can wolves keep insane Russians away? No, he needs tigers. Hungry tigers.

"Ummm, Russia, as much as I would love to . . . . what is bringing this on?" Stalling got to keep stalling!

"This of course silly Lithuania!" Russia opened the laptop and showed Lithuania true terror at it's finest. Russia looked over a few summaries and picked a story, Lithuania didn't want to KNOW what Russia wanted him to see or why, he just wanted to get out of there unscathed.

"Read it Lithuania! It's all about you and me!" Huh? What was he talking about? Lithuania forced himself to look at the screen, and found his human name within the writing. 'Are people stalking me!' Lithuania thought with dread. It was bad enough that RUSSIA stalked him. Now other people! Russia scrolled down for Lithuania because he moved his arm from Lithuania's neck, to his arms. The middle of the story involved beatings and blood. Lithuania's eye stated to twitch. The people who had written this are starting to scare him a little bit. Just . . . a little. Russia's smile remained the same. Scrolling down more, the tone of the story did a 180, as 'romance' ensued. Lithuania's whole body twitched violently. Russia took no notice as he clicked back and found another story involving kissing and hugging and the works. Lithuania was so incredibly confused, there was a whole website that sick minded perverts write sick minded material about him and Russia! Clicking back again Lithuania saw that the bottom of the the story summaries he saw his name, and Russia's, along with other counties names. All the stories involved Russia though. He saw why as Russia scrolled up and switched the settings from 'all' to 'Lithuania', with Russia muttering how that made it easier for him to find what he wanted. After about five stories, and more violent spasms from Lithuania, Russia spoke.

"So, You become one with me, Da? Seeing what's written here it seems that you want to become one with me again!" Russia smiled a little bigger, and Lithuania felt more afraid, so he said the magical words.

"I have to go to the bathroom!" Russia made a little 'o' with his mouth, and let Lithuania go, where he preceded to speed walk down the hallway, out of site of the Russian. He tiptoed to the phone and dialed a number.

"Like Liet! Hi! What's up! I've been like, totally, painting my nails! Their pink with sparkles! You should totally come and see them! I also got little pony temporary tattoos that have glitter in them too! Like they-"

"Poland! Russia Is in my house! You got to help me-"

"WHAT! Don't worry Liet! I will like, totally save you!" Poland hung up the phone then, Leaving Lithuania feeling like he should have called someone else instead. Russia called from the kitchen, Lithuania wanted to jump out the window, but he peered into the kitchen anyways, Russia smiled and waved at him, and took a sip from the bottle of Cola he held. . . . . wait . . . . . since when does Russia drink Cola?

"Did you want a drink too Lithuania?" Russia called out to Lithuania.

"Uh, no thank you."

"You forgot to flush."

"What?"

"I didn't hear the toilet flush! Now go flush it before it gets all mucky and discussing like most American high school toilets!" Russia began 'koling', but took a sip of Cola each time he said 'kol'. So it sounded like 'kol-sip-kol-sip-kol-sip-kol-sip'. Lithuania ran and flushed the toilet he didn't use, all the while thinking he would never let his toilet get half as horrifying as an American high school bathroom. Never. The thought makes Lithuania go though more spasms. Maybe he should see a doctor about that.

Then as Lithuania made it back to the kitchen, the sound of hooves were heard outside, he turned to look outside his demolished door, to find a pony trotting by, with Poland on it. He wore a poofy 'prince' getup, and Lithuania swore he saw sparkles around Poland.

"Like Liet! Your knight in shiny armor is like here to totally save you! We'll ride off into the sunset and we can like eat dark chocolate all night long!" Lithuania wasn't exactly surprised by Poland, but he had at least hoped they could SNEEK away, but no. Instead Russia came up behind Lithuania and warped his arms around poor Lithuania's chest and waist.

"Het, Lithuania is become one with Mother Russia!"

"Like hell he is!" Poland swiftly pulled out a banana out of nowhere, and threw it Russia. It hit him in the nose.

"Like, one point for the amazing Poland, and zero for Russia's big fat nose! Totally for the win!" As the banana fell to the ground Russia let Lithuania go, and the jaws theme song started to play as Russia started toward Poland. He raised his faucet pipe high above his head and brought it hard down on Poland's head. It never reached Poland's head however, and an invisible force deflected the pipe.

"HA! Like Polish law makes me like, totally untouchable! Two points for the amazing Poland, and still like zilch for lousy Russian!" Poland hopped off of his pony, and dashed inside Lithuania's home, dragging the Lithuanian who living in it with him.

"We should like, barricade the door Liet! That would keep the creepy Russian away!"

"Poland . . . . The door looks like toothpick right now, didn't you notice?"

"Like, oh em gee! When did that happen!" Lithuania sighed. How was he going to survive by the end of the day? In his own world of misery, Lithuania didn't notice that Poland had walked into the kitchen and spotted the laptop. Which was still on Russia/Lithuania.

"Like Totally not cool! Liet! You should have told me that Russia was molesting you!"

"Huh? What?" Lithuania looked and saw Poland, who had a look of horror of his face, reading fanfiction.

"Oh, no! It's not what it seems like! It's all lies! Really!" Poland wasn't listening though, as he was glaring at Russia who stepped past the shattered door and into the house once again.

"Lithuania is still going to become one with me, da?"

"Like, never! Liet is totally MINE!" Poland screeched the last word as he tackled Lithuania from behind and sat on his lower back. He pulled out a miniature Polish flag, and placed in in the thick of Lithuania's hair.

"Like see! Liet totally belongs to me!"

"Fanfiction says Lithuania belongs to me, da?"

"Ha! Two can play at that game!" Poland rushed off to the kitchen back to the laptop. Lithuania, still on the ground, tried to crawl under a corner table, but Russia got to first. For the second time that day Russia threw Lithuania over his shoulder and carried him to the kitchen. Poland was clicking through the website and smiled up at Russia.

"Like for you and Liet, there are 278 pages, but for me and Liet there are 285, like 7 more pages for me! Like I totally WIN!" Poland decided to celebrate his victory by reading a story. Unknowingly, a rated M story.

"Like I treat Liet a whole lot better then you Russia! While you show 'love' through abuse, I shower Liet with lots of love and hugs! See, It like, says here 'Poland passionately kisses Lithuania, his hands play with the bottom of his shirt, then travels to his belt, then he . . . . he . . . . . uh . . . .," Poland blushes as he read on, getting redder with each word, he only read out loud random words through studders.

"Then . . . m-moans . . . . t-thrust . . . . . screams . . . . . uh . . . . uh . . . .," Poland stopped, and closed the laptop and got up. Lithuania still over Russia's shoulder blushed as well, for Poland descried something the poor Lithuanian didn't really need to hear. Russia's eye twitched a bit.

"You know what Liet? Like, I know who would totally LOVE this kind of thing! FRANCE! Let's go see him right now!" Pulling Lithuania off of Russia, who was having a moment, and didn't notice, Poland grabbed the laptop. He dragged Lithuania outside and got him on the pony. Together, much to Lithuania's displeasure, rode off to France's house!

Shacking his head Russia snapped out of it. He saw that Lithuania and Poland, were gone, alone with the laptop. He sighed. So much for getting Lithuania to become one with him. Russia found his way to Lithuania's sitting room, curled up on his couch like a kitten and took a nap.

* * *

Yup! This is a SPECIAL chapter! Has Lithuania AND Poland in it! I'm so proud of myself, and happy Fanfiction fixed that annoying type 2 error thing. Though now I have to brainstorm what France is going to in the next chapter. If you guys have any idea's don't be afraid to voice them!


	8. France

Hetalia has been disclaimed by me. XP

* * *

It happened very fast. One moment France was out on his patio enjoying the sun and slight breeze, sipping wine from some fancy glass thing, then he was whisked away on a pony.

"Like, France! We're all like totally going to my house!" France didn't respond however as Poland doesn't really talk to him, or look in his general direction, so he ended up be dazed and confused. Lithuania turned his head back to give France a sympathetic look, as he was frequently dragged into whatever messes Poland comes up with. By the way, did you know Poland's pony is magic? They rode to Poland's house in about, oh, three minutes. It was also dolphin proof. People would pay big money for that, as the dolphins are getting angrier ever day! Quick, everyone! Plant a tree!

"Oh Em Gee! Look at that house! Is it not like, the best house in all of Europe! No, In all the world!" Poland dropped off his pony and admired his house. It was very pink, blindingly so. It also sparkled.

"The glitter paint was on sale! Totally a steal, like, to the max!" Lithuania slumped down and his face ended up being buried in the pony's neck. France just sat there still stunned.

"Like, come on guys! The internet won't wait forever!" No response. Sigh. Well, getting Lithuania off the pony is no problem, just tug on his arm and off he goes! Kinda like a rag doll. France was another matter however. Poland tugged at France's arm. Nothing. He had Lithuania help him tug at France's arm. (How? Nobody knows.) Again, nothing. He had the pony rollover, do a back flip, and dive in the ocean, skydive, jump into a volcano, and walk in the perfume section of the department store. Still, there was France glued to the back of Poland's pony. NBGHWDLKNWBHFDJHF! HOW IS IT POSSIBLE! (Hint, the pony is magic. Second hint, Paul is the walrus.) So Poland resorted to desperate measures to get France to snap the heck out of it! I mean really, it was starting to creep people out. Poland then dragged Lithuania toward his house.

"Liet! Like lets get NAKED!"

"What! No Poland, What are you doing! I told you I don't want to play those kind of games with you!" At that outburst France's head snapped up.

"Huh? Hey! I don't want to miss out on the fun!" France dashed into house where Poland dragged a poor Lithuania into. That was easier then expected. France was was disappointed however to see No fun smex timez, but just Poland setting up a laptop. France hung his head and whined like a puppy. It was pretty sad.

"Like, is my house not the best ever!" Poland blurted as he adjusted the settings on fanfiction. France of course, resisted the urge to face-palm. Poland's house was worse then the last time he was here with England. The walls pink with unicorns and ponies painted on them. They glittered. The couch was this bizarre pink fluffy . . . thing. It looked like it was eating Poland. It might have been, Lithuania wouldn't go near it. The carpet was also this weird bright pink color. Basically, the house was on the verse of making anyone go near it puke. Except for Poland that is. If it isn't pink, he'll cry, and who wants to see Poland cry! . . . . . Never mind.

"France! Like get over here and totally look at the computer!" Poland puffed out his cheeks. "This is like, the kind of stuff YOU like isn't it!" France still hasn't moved as the pink couch thing still looked as if it wanted to devourer his soul. France still valued his soul, sorta. Though a few clicked of the mouse and Poland's nose started to bleed.

"Ahh! No! I don't want to ruin my new clothes! They're like too cute to get blood on them!" Poland ran to his bathroom, Lithuania following to make sure Poland didn't hurt himself or break a window. France knew what nosebleeds mean however, and forgetting the fear of the pink demon- I mean couch, he looked at the laptop. Jackpot.

Poland had gotten out of the bathroom with a tissue pressed to his face (Even his tissues were pink!) just in time to see France running down his hallway 'onhonhon'ing carrying the laptop. France disappeared from view as he turned a corner.

"Hey! Like, were he he going!" Poland puffed out his cheeks again and fallowed the ambitious Frenchmen down the hall. Lithuania, walked out of the bathroom with bloodstains all over his shirt. Why is it that Poland has the nosebleed but Lithuania is the one who gets his shirt stained? Who knows, this is Poland we're talking about.

ANYWAY, Lithuania tracked down Poland and France in Polski's overly pink room. France was mass printing yaoi, a crazed look in his eyes, and Poland commenting about how he forgot the he had a printer in his room, or that he had so much ink.

Lithuania however was rather shocked as the floor was COVERED in paper, you couldn't see the carpet anymore. How did France print all of this so quick? Where did Poland get all of that paper? Why did France label each paper with the, er, "couples" names on it? And with a scented marker at that!

"Hey Liet! Look at this!" Poland held out one of the papers struggling to keep down a giggling fit, in fear of making his nose act up again. Lithuania knew he should just excuse himself, walk to the kitchen and steal Poland's chocolate eclairs, but no. Lithuania took the papers and found himself reading explicit details about America and Russia, in a bed, doing things that Lithuania would have rather not have liked to read. How will he sleep at night now!

"It's like so funny! Right Liet? The people who right his stuff have got our life so messed up! Obviously Russia is in love with China!" Lithuania eye twitched a bit.

"What? Where did you hear that?"

"From this story of course!" Lithuania was handed another bunch of papers. Lithuania just dropped them among the mountains of papers, already knowing what he would find. Lithuania trekked his way to Poland's fluffy pink bed, kicked off his shoes, and flopped onto the bed. He sighed. This was all Russia's fault. If he hadn't come to his his house harassing him, he wouldn't have ever called Poland for help because Russia was too scary, and then Poland would have never whisked him away from his house, kidnapping France and he wouldn't be sitting here watching France mass printing explicit material and- wait- where did France's clothes go? Lithuania didn't see where his clothes anywhere, they would be easy to spot with their reds and blues, maybe they got buried in the papers, but where did that rose come from, and . . . . why doesn't it . . . . fall off . . . .

'Best not to ask these questions' Lithuania thought. 'I'll live longer that way. Hopefully. So while Lithuania pulled a pillow over his face and Poland sat down and threw papers into the air to make it "snow", France had been using magical perverted powers to super print any and all romantic stories! And to think England thought he was just a simple frog. Nope. He has magical perverted powers. Hide yo wife. Hide yo kids. No really, Switzerland can't be there all the time protecting everyone from the perverted powers! Though aside from powers that most normal people would run from France was having the time of his life. Lots of love going around the internet!

Though he did notice some of the stories about him. Most of them were about him and England. Didn't surprise him, he knew England can't withstand his manly charm forever. (Insert groan here) Though some of the things written disturbed him a lot. Like Romance stories about his and Russia. That's scary. Or with Canada. France did like Canada, a lot, bout he debated about how much 'a lot' should be. He decided with a lot! Woohoo! Another thing he noticed was how he was paired up with men a lot more then with women. Yeah he likes boy just as much as girls, but it makes him gloomy to think that the writers think he favors men over women! Perhaps he could find a threesome! Involving him, America, and England! He was in luck. "onhonhon"ing ensued. This was truly the best website in the whole world! It had all sorts of perverted details about all the nations! Even though it was just a little creepy about how so many people know all this, stuff, about them. Oh well, fan service is good for the brain. Though through all this fun and perverseness, France felt as though something was missing. He decided to leave the bedroom for a bit, stepping over Poland, to see if there was any wine in the house.

There was. It was pink, but he drank it anyways. France then looked out a window for a bit, thinking. Then it hit him. He needed to share his discovery with the world! Dashing back to Poland's bedroom (With the rose still in place. Does he glue it there?) He gathered up all the papers off the floor in a big stack. Poland pouted, because he was playing with those! Even Lithuania remover the pillow from his face to see what got France all excited. France gathered up the laptop next, somehow balancing it on top of his huge stack.

"Well, I'm off to spread the love to the world!" And just like that he was out the door. He frolicked along the sidewalk handing random people stories from his stack, confusing them, and scaring them for life. (Especially small children.) That's when he spotted Spain . . . .

_Back at Poland's house_

Poland, recovering after his shock of France leaving so suddenly, jumped up on the bed with Lithuania, cuddling up to his side.

"Hey Liet?"

"What is it Poland?"

"Wanna try the stuff we do in those stories? Lithuania deadpanned.

'Why does he always do this!' He thought.

"Hahaha! Liet! Your face, like, totally looks funny!

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I'm so sorry this took so long! This chapter was hard! Maybe I'll write the next chapter faster. Or maybe I'll be like Spain and be laid back and lazy! 8D *Is shot*


	9. Spain

"Spain!"

"Huh? Oh hey France! What have you've-"

"Here take this! I got to hand out more stories and spread love to the world!"

Thus was the conversation that occurred when the laptop was passed down to Spain. Freeing his arm from the laptop France was able to make more children cry and make parents even more angry at him then they already were. Oh what a beautiful world France is creating, full or either angry or blushing people, excluding Spain. Why exclude Spain you may ask? Well, it it because Spain was neither blushing or angry. He just wasn't doing anything.

Spain stood there doing nothing, holding the laptop given to him, a faraway look in his eyes. He stood there for hours, days even. He stood there through rain, wind, and snow. (Since when does it ever snow in Spain!) Years when by, he grew a beard that went down to his knees. Decades went by and his hair turned gray, and his brain started to decompose in his head, all the while . . . . never blinking . . . . . . not once.

Okay, I was exaggerating. It had only been about twenty minutes or so, but it felt like decades had gone by! Have you ever WATCHED someone do NOTHING for twenty minutes! (Or read about? Because now you have. I bet you had fun.) Now Spain has gone though such an ordeal, he stood in front of a mirror and looked at himself! I'm sure he has wasted countless hours doing just that. How we all love you Spain, how we all love you. No really, I'm sure there are people who love Spain for doing that, like . . . . France.

So now back to the story, Spain blinked and looked down at his hands. He shrugged his shoulders in a 'why not' gesture, and opened the laptop. He read what was written on the screen. Then slowly he closed the laptop again. Spain slid his eyes to the left, then they shifted to the right. The cost was clear. Causality Spain backed into a bush behind a park bench, and got himself settled. He opened the laptop once again, and drooled over yaoi, involving him and his favorite "Tomato".

In the magical world of fanfiction, the laptop just so "happens" to be on a SpainxRomano fanfiction. It was a beautiful, beautiful thing. Or at least in Spain's case it was.

'Surely this was a gift from God' Spain thought, reading about Romano being cuddly and making kissing noises, but sadly, all to soon, the yaoi fluff was over.

**The end**

At the moment those two words were just vile to Spain. Maybe, just maybe, he wanted to read a little bit more. Biting the inside of his mouth Spain thought of how to solve this. Maybe he could just, ask the computer for more fluff.

"Computer, I hate to ask you this but . . . . maybe you could give me some more reading material? Preferably with my little Tomato in it?" Spain clasped his hands together, and gave the laptop on his lap, the dreaded "puppy dog look". The computer didn't say anything, though it did hum a bit. Pouting, Spain tried to think of another plan. He scrolled up and down the page, entertaining himself for another five minutes watching the text fly up and down, up and down, up and down, and . . . . What was Spain doing again? I forgot. Oh right, looking for more fluff.

Remembering what he had set out to do in the first place Spain scrolled all the way to the top. He saw that under some some advertisement about some car there was a link that said 'Anime/Manga' then two arrows. After the arrows a link said 'Hetalia – Axis Powers' More arrows, then the name of the story he was reading. He decide the best course of action was to click the link 'Hetalia'.

'Oh,' Spain thought. "Thank you computer! I see you have given me more material to read!" He scanned the screen. "Though computer . . . I don't think I want to read about how Finland is in love with Russia. That seems really weird in fact, why would you have that up computer?" The computer said nothing to Spain still. "Computer? You've been so quiet to me. Are you hungry?" Spain reached into his basket of tomatoes that magically appeared next to him. How you may ask? Yet another mystery, like France's rose. Perhaps it's best not to know, we'll live longer that way.

So, like I was saying, Spain reached into his magical basket and took out a tomato, and proceeded to prod the computer with it.

"Computer, where is your mouth?"

" . . ."

"Computer, why won't you talk to me?"

" . . ."

"Computer, Do you not like me? I'm offering you a tomato, why don't you want to be my friend?"

" . . ."

"Fine, be that way," Spain pouted at the computer's lack of response to him, scanning the stories while eating the tomato, he began to get more irritated. England/Japan, Prussia/Canada, something in Indonesian, Latvia/Sealand? Well the point was Spain was not finding a Spain/Romano on this page. Scrolling up in frustration, he suddenly spotted the magical character settings of joy. List of counties, list of countries, ah! S. Italy/Romano. Clicking that he pressed the go button. Spain felt very proud of himself at the moment. The page came up with all the Romano fluff and stuff Spain could ever want, he had died and gone to heaven. Spain was just about to click one story number one when the screen went white, and said . . .

**Congratulations! **

**You won a new Apple Itouch!**

. . . . What? Spain sat there, shocked. He was so close! Then . . . Then . . . . He did NOT want an Itouch! He wanted Romano in a bed and BLUSHING! In fanfiction form. Spain clicked back. The screen flashed, and didn't change otherwise. He clicked back again, nothing. He tried again, still the same. Then again, He was stuck!

"Nooooooooo!" Spain cried in utter dismay, scaring birds all around his hiding spot away. Why was the computer doing this to him! All he wanted was fluff! Was that too much to ask for? Answer: yes.

"Hey! What are you going Tomato bastard!" Looking up, Spain saw Romano, standing over his hiding bush.

* sigh * That took much longer then it should have. Sorry to have cut off so suddenly at the end there, I'm going away for a week and I wanted to get a chapter up before I leave. So . . . . yay! New chappy! (By the way, I do not own the Apple Itouch, nor do I own one. Blarg.) I hope this made all you wonderful people laugh and such, I LOVE YOU ALL! IT CALLS FOR CAPS!one!one!11!


	10. Romano

Sigh, how long has it been? Four months? Do I suck? Kinda, maybe, YES. Well at least now I can say I own an Apple Itouch. 8D I really should have updated this sooner. I feel bad for making you guys wait so long! So I'm giving you all free internet cookies!

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say don't own Hetalia? Because if I did, Prussia and Canada and the Nordics would be all over the place. It would be pure awesomeness.

"Well? Are you just going to sit there and stare at me like an idiot? Tomato bastard." Seeing Romano there, like an angel, a tomato faced angel, Spain momentary forgot his unfortunate predicament.

"Roma!~ I found the most amazing thing in the whole world! It all started with you being cuddly and making kissing noises, but it ended so fast, so I asked Mr. Computer if I could have more to read, but he wouldn't talk to me. Though somehow I got more stories, I forgot how I did it though, well that doesn't matter! Though the stories I found weren't what I was looking for, Russia and Finland as a couple seems really weird! Though that doesn't matter either, because I found more stories about you being cute, and moaning, and 'wanting more' and cuddling, and kissing and wearing cute outfits, and saying sexy things!"

As Spain's rambling got worse, Romano's race just got redder and redder. What was Spain even talking about! Spain's descriptions on what Romano does in the fiction world got a lot more detailed. Even going as far as quoting things from the stories. His left eye started to twitch, until he just couldn't take it anymore!

"S-Shut up bastard! I did none of those things!"

"Awwwww Your face is so cute Roma!~"

"Stop calling me that, bastard!"

"You want a tomato Roma?" In his moment of total randomness, Spain bent down and took a tomato from his magical basket of appearing out of nowhere magic! He held it out to Romano, who's eyes got wide for a moment, but he thought better of himself. Turning away, Romano quickly snatched the tomato from Spain's hand. He raised the vegetable to his mouth and bit into it, red juices running down his chin. Spain watched, transfixed as his Roma ate the tomato. This sparked a memory of reading a fanfiction, of him and Romano, and tomato kink. Spain's gaze intensified, he licked his lips.

Romano cast a sideway glance to Spain. "What're you looking at Tomato bastard?" Romano finished off the last bit of his treat, licking his fingers of the last evidence of the unfortunate vegetable. That did it Spain. He pounced like a bull that he and his people would fight! Wait . . . Do bulls pounce? Hmmm, not sure on that one. Though Spain pounced like an animal that pounces, on Romano, who let out a manly squeak, like an animal, that squeaks, perhaps a mouse?

Well once Spain pinned down Romano, he began to attack Romano's neck, (Like in most all fanfiction. Why is the neck so dang popular! And ears too. Err, please do not answer that. Blarg) Romano protested loudly, screaming profanities at Spain, kicking and flailing about. Mothers ushered their curious children away from all the noise, covering their virgin eyes from the ungodly sight. Though I doubt there are many children who have virgin eyes anymore because of France, and his nakedness. Which is more ungodly? Spain getting it on with Romano in public, I mean molesting, or France being naked in public? The world may never know.

Romano's screams grew louder as Spain traveled further south, of South Italy. Heh, that's funny. Somehow Romano managed to throw Spain off his his poor almost abused body. Spain is a lot heavier then he looks!

"What, the, hell, was, THAT!" Romano gasped after scrambling a safe distance away from Spain, who was dusting himself off.

"I only wanted to make you happy Roma,"

"Attacking me does not make me happy bastard!" Spain blinked at Romano, not comprehending what was being told to him.

"Mr. Computer says you get VERY happy when I do things like that to you!" Spain said with a smile.

"Who the hell is Mr. Computer!" Spain pointed behind him to the forgotten laptop behind him. Romano, cautiously shuffled a half circle around Spain, wondering just what that computer has written in it. Looking at Spain one last time, Romano crouched down to peer into the evil depths of Mr. Computer and his evil fanfiction ways. Mr. Computer decidedly liked Romano better, as he was no longer spamming with stubborn advertisements. Romano skimmed, or power read as you will, the descriptions of the stories that Spain was planning to read before he was spammed. A blush made it's way onto Romano's face. No way, was he IN LOVE with Spain, as many, * cough all of them couch * were implying. They were all lies. Every single for the love of all that is tomato one of them. Suddenly feeling the presence behind him one second too late Spain was behind him, fingers on the laptop.

"Ohh! This is a good one Roma! I was just reading it when you came along! You'll love it!" Spain clicked on a rated M, full of warnings, not for minors, do you get the point now, story. Romano was trying to get over the fact that Spain creeped up on him! How did he do that! Was he a ninja? Hoping to the gods of tomatoes that Spain wasn't a ninja Romano concluded that Spain wasn't going to molest him anymore, he snapped his gaping mouth shut, and read the story. Just after the first few lines, Romano's face went a deep scarlet. Spain sat there, daydreaming about more fanfiction. Soon Romano just got up, and started to walk briskly away, having enough of the dirty story. About him and Spain, doing things, things Romano didn't need to hear. Spain almost was oblivious to notice that his tomato had walked away. Though he somehow, in a moment of divine blessing, whatever that means, noticed. He scooped up Mr. Computer, and pursued the traveling tomato.

"Roma~! Where are you going?" Romano, eye twitching again, sped up his pace. Spain fallowed close behind. Romano, in turn started to jog. Spain still hot on this tail. Soon They were both full out sprinting, Spain all the while keeping right behind Romano, much to his displeasure.

"Stop fallowing me bastard!" Romano screamed at Spain, incredibility pissed off at Spain for not leaving him alone. Then again, there probably has never been an instance where Spain has left Romano alone. He is a very dedicated . . . friend? Does anyone know their relationship exactly? Hmmm.

Well, in his fiery rage of pissed off fury, Romano failed to notice in time of the river in front of him, thus tumbling head first into the water.

"CHIIIIGIIII! It's cold!" Romano flailed about, barely keeping his head above the water, even though where he was the water came up only about five feet. Spain seem utterly delighted at Romano's distress.

"Help me you bastard! What are you doing!"

"Roma~! You look so cute when your all soggy and shivering!"

"You, are, a FREAK! Chigiiiiii!" Then in more fiery rage of pissed off fury Romano had failed once again to notice an upcoming danger. Behind him, dolphins rose from the depths of the river, eyes red, and soggy scones floating all around them. In absolute terror Spain called out to Romano, telling him to turn around. Once he did, he fled the water, with the speed of a frightened Italian. So in short, Romano was going just under the speed of light.

When Romano collapsed at Spain's feet, he didn't make a fuss when Spain bundled up the frightened Italian, nuzzling the top of his head.

"Don't worry my little Tomato! Evil river dolphins can't get us here on land!" Spain was wrong of course, because these dolphins where super angry, and had scones following them around, so that mean they COULD walk on land! When they did, Romano and Spain all but teleported out of there. They had to run quite a ways, for evil angry river land dolphins where fast, especially since they had jet pacts on. They decided it would be best to hide in the bush where Romano found Spain reading perverted stories and what not. It's a known fact dolphins wont look in bushes. Scientifically proven, many tests were taken on this matter!

Safe from the dolphins for the time being, Romano ans Spain relaxed. Though Romano started to cry. Why was the universe so mean to him! He really needed a siesta at the moment. Except, he wouldn't be getting anything NEAR a siesta, as Spain opened the laptop that somehow didn't get lost in the chase.

"Don't worry my little tomato! I know what will make you feel better!" A few clicks later, Spain presented to Romano yet another M rated story. Romano's hand slowly went up to the top of the computer, and slammed to top down, on Spain's fingers. Spain's expression didn't even change from that oblivious smile. Though he did look down at his hand between the keyboard and the top of the laptop.

"Mr. Computer! I knew you were hungry!" Opened the laptop again, not noticing his bruising fingers, Spain held out a tomato, offering it to Mr. Computer. Mr. Computer only hummed in response. Romano however snatched the tomato from Spain's hand and began to eat it. He turned his back to the Spaniard as eating tomatoes + Spain = Romano getting molested. Blinking once or twice, Spain noticed the tomato in his hand was gone. Spain got so happy at that! Mr. Computer liked tomatoes! Spain hugged Mr. Computer, glad that it accepted his offer this time. Leaning back, Spain looked back at the computer screen, and saw as Mr. Computer had tried to eat his hand, he accidentally hit 'back' a few times. Now Spain was back to the general Hetalia fanfiction page. He looked at the latest entry. N. Italy & Germany. Curiously, Spain clicked the link, and read the story real quick like while Romano finished off the tomato. The more Spain read, the bigger his smile got until . . .

"Romano!"

"What!" Romano spun around quickly. Why did Spain shout like that! Were the dolphins back?

"You never told me your cute little brother was getting married!"

"W-what?" Veniciano? Getting married?

"Yes! Getting married to Germany!" Romano visibly paled.

"Who told you Veniciano was getting married to that potato bastard!" Spain turned the laptop so that Romano could see what he was reading. Sure enough, the plot said Italy was getting married to Germany. Romano turned red once again, in fiery rage of pissed off fury. That potato bastard was obviously taking advantage of his brother! Snapping the laptop shut, Romano rose to his feet. Taking Spain's hand in his own, he marched determinedly to Germany.

"Come on Tomato bastard! Let's go have a talk with _Germany_!" Spain didn't even hear him, for his brain had exploded. Romano was HOLDING HIS HAND!

Sigh, Spain, you amuse me to no end. I hope all you wonderful readers liked this chapter, cause you only had to wait for like, oh four months to get to read it! It's okay though, I'll beat myself with an empty sleeve for it. =.=


End file.
